if you’re feeling down about your love life, remember that salmon swim hundreds of miles upstream to jack-off on a pile of eggs and die
— huntigula (@huntigula) March 31, 2014
Me: This is nice
Mattress Salesman: Sir, I am done with this so called “test run”
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 13, 2015
Sex so good you tell her your real name
— Frisky Zisky (@OrangeFact) February 9, 2017
Me: Hey baby, let’s do something sexy.
GF: Ooh, how about a sponge bath?
*fantasizes about bathing a sponge*
Me: Aw yeah, baby.
— Brian (@Black__Elvis) February 9, 2017
Watches romance flick backwards to see an insipid woman who lives solely for a man blossom into an individual with her own life
— batkaren (@batkaren) October 6, 2016