Walk up in the club like what's up do you like my horse sweater?
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) August 22, 2014
My dr. said cutting down on dairy and coffee would help my digestive system....looks like a lifetime of diarrhea for me.
— Token Toker (@Stabby_smurf) August 22, 2014
Another beautiful day for stoking the coals in the crucible of failure
— Sir Jauntyhat (@ParentEsq) August 21, 2014
Taught a parrot at the mall how to say "poon-tang". Now I just need to pick up my dry cleaning and I'm done for the day.
— Jarhead (@Jarhead44) August 14, 2014
My morning workout is lying on the floor between two couch cushions and pretending I'm a hamburger until I'm late for work.
— The Cat Whisperer (@man_spach) August 6, 2014