Here are all 4 instalments. Happy Friday!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Your real horoscope: May 6-12
ARIES (March 21 – April 20):
Haters gonna hate. Eff 'em.
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
Be nice to that jerk today. It's not his fault you can't stand him. (Except sometimes it is. But anyway, don't kick him.)
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
At first you thought a friend had let you down, but then you remembered you don't have any friends.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Looks like you've got a case of the Mondays. Also? The whole week's going to be like this.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
Do good this week. People are watching, so for once try not to fuck everything up.
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
Yeah, last week was shit. This week will be (slightly) better.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
Laugh your head off today (to prevent yourself from crying). Here's something for you:
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
Fuck, why you have to be such an exhausting pessimistic stick-in-the-mud arsehole all the time? Who do you think you are, Morrissey? Lighten. Up.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
Yeah, that guy's super-annoying but he has good gossip so make friends.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Don't bother waiting for approvals. Don't even bother asking for approvals. Just do that shit.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
Um, spotlight syndrome much? Not everyone is looking at you, you know.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Yeah, it's going to be super hard, but you might as well do it because you're not doing much else anyway.
Haters gonna hate. Eff 'em.
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
Be nice to that jerk today. It's not his fault you can't stand him. (Except sometimes it is. But anyway, don't kick him.)
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
At first you thought a friend had let you down, but then you remembered you don't have any friends.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Looks like you've got a case of the Mondays. Also? The whole week's going to be like this.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
Do good this week. People are watching, so for once try not to fuck everything up.
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
Yeah, last week was shit. This week will be (slightly) better.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
Laugh your head off today (to prevent yourself from crying). Here's something for you:
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
Fuck, why you have to be such an exhausting pessimistic stick-in-the-mud arsehole all the time? Who do you think you are, Morrissey? Lighten. Up.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
Yeah, that guy's super-annoying but he has good gossip so make friends.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Don't bother waiting for approvals. Don't even bother asking for approvals. Just do that shit.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
Um, spotlight syndrome much? Not everyone is looking at you, you know.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Yeah, it's going to be super hard, but you might as well do it because you're not doing much else anyway.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
The hottest political ad you'll see all day
Try to keep your eyes off his hands.
In other news, I'm glad he's a proud teacher. That's where it's at.
In other news, I'm glad he's a proud teacher. That's where it's at.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Post of note: RetroLoveAffair's Emerald City
You're going to want to check out this article featuring handsome retro items all in enchanting emerald green . . .
From RetroLoveAffair: Earlier this year, Pantone declared emerald the "Color of The Year." Sure, you'll be able to find plenty of green in stores, but why not save green when you buy green? It's easy to add a *pop* of emerald to your wardrobe with these vintage picks.
(K, now's when you click thru to see the vintage picks because she has nice pictures of these fine items and they're all cheery. Go now!)
From RetroLoveAffair: Earlier this year, Pantone declared emerald the "Color of The Year." Sure, you'll be able to find plenty of green in stores, but why not save green when you buy green? It's easy to add a *pop* of emerald to your wardrobe with these vintage picks.
(K, now's when you click thru to see the vintage picks because she has nice pictures of these fine items and they're all cheery. Go now!)
An open letter to Natalie DiScala re: Jamaica
K, Natalie DiScala has been to, like, allll the countries and she's the giant brain behind Oh! Travelissima, which is your new favourite travel site.
So my friend is thinking of going to Jamaica and I have some questions for Nat about it which I shall now address in this open letter:
Dear Natalie,
You've been to Jamaica, right? Can you answer me these questions?
1. My friend would like to see some operas in Jamaica. Specifically, soap operas. All the soap operas (Days of Our Lives, GH, and Y&R in addition to any unintentionally hilarious Mexican ones that might be available). Do these air on TV in Jamaica or will she have to try to tune into these on her laptop?
2. Is it true that guys just come up to you and sell you giant bags of weed in Jamaica? Is it legal-ish for my friend to buy that giant bag of weed? Or will she end up in a seedy foreign jail like Bridget Jones? Also: my friend is worried that the giant bag of weed might make it hard for her to use her computer to find the soap operas, which makes Question 1 even that much more pressing.
3. Drinking in Jamaica: Is it all about the rum? Can she get some tequila up in there?
4. All-inclusive resorts: My friend has never been to one. Are they terrible, tacky insults to the hardworking, poor locals? Or are they important to the local economy? Please assuagemy her guilty conscience
5. What does all-inclusive include? Say my friend falls down and then immediately falls asleep in the hotel hallway because she suddenly got really, really tired of drinking and smoking. Would hotel staff pick her up and tuck her into bed? Or would you have to pay extra for this level of babysitting service? If she is likely to get really tired like that, would you recommend that she stay in her room with her stories and her bottle and her giant bag and just order room service all week?
Because that sounds like an awesome holiday.
Please advise.
Your friend IRL,
vil
So my friend is thinking of going to Jamaica and I have some questions for Nat about it which I shall now address in this open letter:
Dear Natalie,
You've been to Jamaica, right? Can you answer me these questions?
1. My friend would like to see some operas in Jamaica. Specifically, soap operas. All the soap operas (Days of Our Lives, GH, and Y&R in addition to any unintentionally hilarious Mexican ones that might be available). Do these air on TV in Jamaica or will she have to try to tune into these on her laptop?
 |
| This is what she thinks her Jamaican getaway will look like. But she may have mistaken Jamaica for Cuba. Does Jamaica have flatscreens? |
2. Is it true that guys just come up to you and sell you giant bags of weed in Jamaica? Is it legal-ish for my friend to buy that giant bag of weed? Or will she end up in a seedy foreign jail like Bridget Jones? Also: my friend is worried that the giant bag of weed might make it hard for her to use her computer to find the soap operas, which makes Question 1 even that much more pressing.
3. Drinking in Jamaica: Is it all about the rum? Can she get some tequila up in there?
4. All-inclusive resorts: My friend has never been to one. Are they terrible, tacky insults to the hardworking, poor locals? Or are they important to the local economy? Please assuage
5. What does all-inclusive include? Say my friend falls down and then immediately falls asleep in the hotel hallway because she suddenly got really, really tired of drinking and smoking. Would hotel staff pick her up and tuck her into bed? Or would you have to pay extra for this level of babysitting service? If she is likely to get really tired like that, would you recommend that she stay in her room with her stories and her bottle and her giant bag and just order room service all week?
Because that sounds like an awesome holiday.
Please advise.
Your friend IRL,
vil
Monday, April 1, 2013
Now you'll want these shoes for spring
These can all go on your feet, but not all at the same time.
Note: It's springtime.
These are everything I've ever dreamed of in a shoe. Dotted Heights Wedges, $148 USD in-store and online at Anthropologie.
The price of happiness is $358. Ila Heel, $358 USD, in-store and online at Kate Spade.
A fine pair of Fluevogs. Begin Boogie Woogie flats, regularly $219, on sale now for $149 CND in-store and online at Gravity Pope.
Fancy Sperry Top-Siders on sale for $79.98 CND (regularly $225) in-store and online at Brown's Shoes.
Note: It's springtime.
Ooh, sparkles! For laydees! Delightful Quinty heels, $125 CND in-store and online at Nine West.
This is just enough of this print. And the perfect amount of lucite in the heel. Adorable! Guzzler flat, $110 CND in-store and online at Nine West.
Are you getting all of these shoes or just most of them? Leave a comment and let us know.
Your real horoscope: April 1-7
ARIES (March 21 – April 20):
Stop aiming for shitty stuff and aim for something good that you really want. Aim for something worth getting for once.
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
Sucker, you not going to be able to get by on your charm this week. You'll actually have to do something.
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
People are going to ask you for money. Say 'no.' Show them how to make their own money. They will hate you for it.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Fuck that promotion. It sounds like a lot of work.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
Stop acting so confident. Stop acting, period.
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
Yeah, this whole thing where you're feeling jealous is going to pass, so just stay chill in the meantime.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
Run away from potential conflict. Run away!
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
Feelings! Feelings are important. Not just yours; other people's too.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
Don't do a whole bunch of stuff shitily. Do a few things really, really well.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Swallow up your feelings and hide them away. Don't get in an argument today because you'll have to deal with weeks of uncomfortable fallout and shit's not worth it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
Go have fun with fun people. It's important because fun is nice and good.
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
Yeah, all that shit you're half-done? Screw it. Just move on to something new already.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
"Heavy smiting," plus 4 more great tweets
It should be called microsoft wordS because you can type more than one.
— Barry Pupusa (@burntmybagel) March 28, 2013
Note to self: in a job interview, if they say "Oh you're a comedian, lemme hear a joke" don't go racist.
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) March 28, 2013
Commentary | Only By Working Together Can We All Cover For My Absolute Lack Of Ability onion.com/Zrnude
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 28, 2013
I froze my cucumber too long, I think its dead now, and a turtle
— monkey (@ninatreemonkey) March 28, 2013
If MY followers referred to the Friday I died as "good," there would be heavy smiting.
— Annabel Oakes (@annabeloakes) March 28, 2013
Read more great tweets here, eh?
Monday, March 25, 2013
Your real horoscope: March 25-31
ARIES (March 21 – April 20):
The full moon’s a-comin’ and it says you’re going to have to deal with a jerk face. Suck it up and let this jag walk all over you. It’s for the best.
TAURUS (April 21 – May 21):
Cut back on the amount of shit you’re working on. And clean out your junk drawer. Then take a nap.
GEMINI (May 22 – June 21):
Wow, look at you, Mr./Ms. Confidence! Just because shit’s really easy for you right now doesn’t mean you should do more of it. Coast a bit, eh? Yeaaaaaah.
CANCER (June 22 – July 23):
Shit’s fucked up at home. Keep your mouth shut and things will improve.
LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23):
You really don’t give a shit what other people think of you, do you? Go ahead and break all the rules! (But not the laws. Those are there for a reason.)
VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23):
Surprise: you’re broke! The good news: You may be able to afford food by week’s end. Is this a metaphor? You tell me.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23):
OMG, you’re, like, totally paralyzed by fear! Stop being such a jelly mold and start taking action. Start with baby steps, k?
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22):
You are such a weird, suspicious creature. Knock it off. You’re way off this time and you risk making a totes ass of yourself.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21):
God, why do you have to be so indecisive all the time? Do you know how annoying that is? Make some decisions already. People are, like, depending on you.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20):
Patience! Use it when you have to dumb down your ideas and explain them to people in small words they can understand. It’ll be worth it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19):
You are naturally annoying. Embrace it. Make it your thing. (But just for this week or else we’re all going to strangle you.)
PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20):
You can smell a lie like a fart in a car. Don’t let that lying liar get away with it. Also: roll down the windows.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
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